S2:E31 Stop Waiting for Hope: Here's How to Create It

Hope Doesn’t Find You—You Build It: The iCope2Hope System™

Laura Mangum Broome shares that hope isn’t something you wait for but a skill you can build, grounded in research by Casey Gwinn and Chan Hellman defining hope as goals, willpower, and pathways. Drawing on her own experience of five major losses in five years (losing her teenage son by suicide, bilateral breast cancer, chemotherapy-related congestive heart failure and a heart transplant, her father’s death, and an unexpected divorce), she explains that time alone didn’t rebuild her—intentional reinvention did. 

She outlines her iCope2Hope System™: Phase 1 Radical Acceptance (face the truth, focus on what you can control, redefine what matters now, using a Radical Acceptance Reset Method™), Phase 2 Clear Direction™ (rediscover passions, rebuild identity and vision), and Phase 3 New Path™ (small consistent steps, sustainable momentum, obstacle planning). She offers reflection questions, a 48-hour action step, and resources including a free “Reframe the Spiral” guide and a live Zoom Begin Again™ Workshop.

00:00 Build Hope Not Wait
01:10 Laura Story And Losses
02:44 Science Of Hope
04:34 Phase One Acceptance
06:24 Phase Two Direction
08:40 Phase Three Action
11:05 Support And Self Talk
12:14 Recap And Next Steps
13:55 Closing And Resources

Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day https://www.icope2hope.com/reframe

Begin Again™ Workshop — Sign Up: https://www.icope2hope.com/the-begin-again-workshop

Book referenced:_Hope Rising: How the Science of HOPE Can Change Your Life_ — Casey Gwinn & Chan Hellman

Move Beyond Adversity Blog — https://www.icope2hope.com/blog

Free Newsletter — Wednesday’s Resilient Recharge: https://www.icope2hope.com/newsletter

Schedule a free 15-minute Clarity Call with Laura: https://bit.ly/15mincallLMB

Website — iCope2Hope: From Hardship to Hope: https://www.icope2hope.com

Transcript

 Build Hope Not Wait

If you've been waiting for hope to show up, waiting for the fog to lift, for motivation to kick in, for some sign that things are going to be okay, this episode is for you. Because today, I wanna tell you something that changed everything for me. Hope doesn't come to find you; you build it.

Welcome to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast. I'm your host, Laura Mangum Broome. If you've been knocked down by life--grief, illness, loss, or unexpected change, you're in the right place. Here, we turn setbacks into stepping stones because healing, growth, and joy are not out of reach. They're waiting for one brave step. 

Before we begin, if you ever feel overwhelmed by negative thoughts after a setback, caught in loops of worry, self-doubt, or mental exhaustion, I created a free resource for you  called Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day. You'll find the link in the show notes.  Now let's take a breath together and begin. 

Laura's Story And Losses

I want to start with something personal. I've had seasons in my life where I did everything I was supposed to do. I gave it time. I stayed positive. I kept busy. I told myself I was fine, and I still woke up every morning feeling like a stranger in my own life.

Here's what my story looks like.  I lost my teenage son by suicide.  I fought bilateral breast cancer. I survived chemotherapy that led to congestive heart failure, and I received a heart transplant. I lost my father, and then I went through an unexpected divorce. Five major losses in five years.

Every time someone told me to just give it time, I nodded. I understood their intention. I knew they meant well. But time on its own could not rebuild me. What rebuilt me was doing the hard, intentional work of figuring out who I was on the other side of it all. Not who I used to be. Not a patched-up version of my old self. Someone with purpose, stronger, more myself than I'd ever been. And I didn't get there by waiting. I got there by choosing, one small deliberate step at a time, to move through what happened, not just past it.

That experience gave birth to the iCope2Hope System™. And today, I want to share the science behind why it works  and walk you through the three phases that turn hope from a wish into a way of living.

Science Of Hope

Let's talk about hope for a minute because I think most of us have it wrong. We treat hope like weather. Either it shows up or it doesn't. You wait, you wish, you white-knuckle your way through the hard days, telling yourself tomorrow might be different.  But researchers Casey Gwinn and Chan Hellman spent years studying nearly two thousand published studies on the science of hope.

What they found changes everything. Hope is not passive. Hope isn't wishful thinking. Hope isn't something that depends on you when enough time has passed.  Hope is measurable, and more importantly, hope is buildable.   The science defines hope through three things: number one, goals, something real to move toward.  Two, willpower, the inner motivation to pursue it. And three, pathways, the special routes you believe are available to you.

When all three are present, hope rises. When even one is missing, hope collapses. And that's exactly what major life change does. It doesn't just break your heart, it dismantles your goals, erodes your belief in yourself, and strips away every pathway you thought was available to you all at once.

That's why telling someone who just lost their marriage, their health, or their child to just stay hopeful is at best unhelpful.  What you need isn't a pep talk, you need a system. The iCope2Hope System™ is built on the exact principles the science of hope describes: goals, willpower, and pathways, and it turns them into a three-phase process that actually works. Let me walk you through each one. 

Phase One Acceptance

Phase one is called Radical Acceptance, and before you scroll past that phrase, let me tell you what it doesn't mean. It doesn't mean approval. It doesn't mean the loss was okay. It doesn't mean moving on. It means getting honest about where you actually are, so you can build something real from here.

This phase does three things. It asks you to face the truth of your situation, get clear on what's actually within your control, and start redefining what matters to you now,  not to the version of you that existed before the loss. That last one trips a lot of women up.  When the values that organize your old life stop fitting, it can feel like betrayal.

It isn't. It's the beginning of integrity. It's the first act of becoming who you are on the other side of this.   There's also a specific process inside Phase 1 called the Radical Acceptance Reset Method™. Three steps that help you move through the emotional places where women tend to get stuck and stay stuck for years. It's where we begin in our work together because you can't build hope on a foundation you haven't cleared.

Before we move into Phase 2, I want you to do something. Grab your phone or a piece of paper and answer just this one question.  What is one thing I'm still pretending is okay that isn't? Not to punish yourself, just to get clear. Truth is where hope starts.

Here's what the science is clear about: hope doesn't exist in a vacuum. You need somewhere to go, not a vague, "Someday I'll be happy again" somewhere. A real, specific yours direction, one that reflects who you are now, not who you were before.

Phase Two Direction

Phase Two is called Clear Direction, and it's where you rebuild your sense of self from the inside out. It starts with rediscovering what actually makes you feel alive, the passions and interests that went on the shelf during the hard years, classified as luxuries you couldn't afford. We bring those back, not to recreate the past, but to use them as raw material for what comes next.  From there, we do something I consider the most important work in this entire system, and that's about identity.

Most women in midlife, especially after unexpected life change, discover they've been living someone else's version of themselves for decades. A spouse's vision, a family's expectation, A cultural script about what a woman their age should want, do, and be.

This is where we set all that down and deliberately build a new self-concept, one based on your values, your strengths, and your chosen direction, not your history, not your roles. Research backs this. When you have a clear sense of who you are and what you stand for, you're significantly better at generating pathways forward. Identity is the foundation of pathways. When you know who you are,  you can see where you can go. 

And then Phase Two closes with something I love, where you construct an actual picture of what your next chapter looks like and feels like. Not a five-year business plan, a vision, something emotionally real that your mind can start generating routes toward.

That's not motivation poster magic. That's neuroscience.  Try this right now. No editing, no overthinking. Finish this sentence out loud or in writing: "If I were living fully on my own terms one year from now, I would," and then fill in the blank. Whatever came up, that's not a wish. That's a compass.  Understanding is not transformation. Insight is not change.  You can do the most powerful inner work of your life in Phases 1 and 2 and still wake up Monday morning in the same stuck place if Phase 3 doesn't follow. 

Phase Three Action

Phase 3 is called New Path. It's where hope becomes action, and it addresses the three things that derail most people when they try to move forward.

The first thing it addresses is speed. One of the most common mistakes I see,  especially once someone feels that first flicker of hope, is trying to do too much too fast. They set enormous goals, then try to rebuild everything at once, and when it doesn't happen overnight,  they conclude they don't have what it takes.

That's not a character flaw, that's a momentum mistake. The antidote is small steps consistently taken one concrete doable action at a time.  Small steps build more momentum than large leaps that exhaust you before you reach the top. This isn't about going slow, it's about going far. 

The second thing it addresses is sustainability.  Momentum is self-reinforcing. The more you move, the more you believe you can move, but that cycle needs a structure to hold it, especially on the hard days, the bad weeks, the grief that resurfaces, the days when it feels like you've gone backward.

You haven't gone backward. Grief isn't linear.  Growth isn't linear. What we build in this phase is the structure that keeps you moving through those dips without shame and without starting over from scratch.   And the third thing phase three addresses is the obstacles, because every path has them.  Fear of being seen as selfish, people who prefer the old version of you, beliefs about what you're supposed to want at this age, grief that shows up right when you're making progress. We identify those barriers before they stop you and build a real plan for moving through them, because you need a plan. Willpower alone isn't enough. 

Before we close the phases, here's your action step. Choose one thing, just one. What's one small specific action you can take in the next forty-eight hours that moves you one step closer to the life you described in phase two?  Write it down. Schedule it. Do it. That's not a small thing.

That's hope in motion. 

Support And Self Talk

Before we close, I want to leave you with two questions I come back to again and again.  Question one: What is one thing I can do today, one thing I actually can do, that puts me one step closer to the life I want.  And question two: What support do I need to follow through? Support can look like a friend who won't judge, a coach, a community, someone who texts and asks, "Did you take that step?"  You were never meant to do hard things alone. 

Let me address something before we wrap up. If your brain is arguing with you right now, if it's saying, "This sounds good, but it won't work for me. I've tried before, and it didn't stick. I don't even know where to start."   You don't have to fight that voice. You just have to answer it. Try this: "Maybe, but I'm going to test one small step.  I don't need a perfect plan. I need clarity. I'm not deciding my whole future today. I'm choosing my next step."  That's how you stop letting fear write the ending. 

Recap And Next Steps

Let's recap what we covered today.  Hope isn't a feeling you wait for. It's a skill you build through goals, willpower, and pathways, and time alone won't do that work. Intentional reinvention does.  The iCope2Hope System™ gives you the framework to make that happen across three phases.

Phase one, Radical Acceptance, is about getting honest. Face where you really are, focus your energy only on what you can control, and start redefining what matters to you now.  Phase two, Clear Direction, is about giving hope a destination. Rediscover what makes you feel alive. Reset your identity on your own terms, and discover a clear vision for your next chapter.

Phase three, New Path, is where thinking becomes doing. Take small steps consistently. Build momentum that survives the hard days, and navigate the obstacles before they stop you.  And your action step? Choose one small thing you can do in the next forty-eight hours. Write it down. Do it. Then ask yourself what support you need to keep going.

If you're somewhere in the middle of the hardest chapter of your life, hear this. You're not behind. You're not broken. The fact that hope hasn't shown up yet isn't a sign that it won't. It's a sign you haven't had the right framework. You didn't survive everything you've been through just to settle for a smaller life. You survived it to build a better one, and I believe with everything in me that you can. 

Closing And Resources

If this episode helped you, please share it with three people who need to hear it today. Leave a review and connect with me online at iCope2Hope.com. If you're ready to take your first step, I'd love to have you join me for the next Begin Again™ Workshop. It's an hour-and-a-half workshop live on Zoom, and it gives you the first tools from Phase 1 so you can start moving through this, not just past it. The link is in the show notes.

And don't forget to grab your free guide, Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day. That link is in the show notes, too. 

Until next time, adversity can make you bitter or better. Choose better! You've got this!