Flourishing After Adversity

S2:E30 How to Close Regret And Act on What Matters

• Laura Broome

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0:00 | 12:04

Regret as a Signal: 3 Moves to Stop Circling the Unopened Door

Host Laura Mangum Broome frames regret not as punishment but as a signal pointing to what still matters, warning that unaddressed regret drains energy, presence, and peace. She describes two unhelpful responses—suppression and rumination—and argues that only action “closes the door.” 

The episode offers three practical moves: name the regret clearly to turn it into specific data, separate the past from the present by exploring whether a different version is still possible (using radical acceptance from the iCope2Hope System™), and act before feeling ready because clarity and confidence build through movement. Listeners are guided to spend ten minutes identifying the regret, assessing what’s still within reach, choosing one micro-step within 24 hours, and taking it today, and are invited to download the free guide “Reframe the Spiral.”

00:00 The Door of Regret
00:54 Welcome and Why It Matters
01:40 The Cost of Unspoken Wants
03:40 Regret as a Signal
04:29 Two Traps Suppression and Rumination
05:38 Move One Name It
06:43 Move Two Past vs Present
07:53 Move Three Act Now
09:06 10 Minute Action Plan
09:58 Recap and Closing Encouragement
11:19 Outro and Resources

The Door of Regret

Is there a door you keep cracking open? You know the one. It's the conversation you never had, the path you didn't take, the version of yourself you set aside for later, for safety, for someone else's comfort.   You open it just a little, you peer inside, then you close it again and go back to your day.  But it doesn't stay closed, does it?    If that sounds familiar, if there's something you keep circling back to, something that still tugs at you even years later, today's episode is for you. Because that door isn't there to haunt you. It's there to signal you.

Today, we're going to talk about what regret is actually trying to tell you, why ignoring it costs more than you think, and three practical moves that help you stop carrying it and start doing something with it. 

Welcome and Why It Matters

Welcome to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast. I'm your host, Laura Mangum Broome. If you've been knocked down by life--grief, illness, loss, divorce, or unexpected change, you're in the right place. Here, we turn setbacks into stepping stones because healing, growth, and joy aren't out of reach. They're available to you even in this season.   

Before we begin, if you ever find yourself caught in loops of worry, self-doubt, or mental exhaustion after a hard season, I created a free resource called Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day. You'll find the link in the show notes.

The Cost of Unspoken Wants

I want to start with something I've had to learn the hard way.  When we don't actually deal with what we truly want, when we keep peeking through the door but never actually walk through it, we don't just lose the dream. We lose energy. We lose presence. We lose the ability to fully invest in the life that's right in front of us.

We start moving through our days with one foot in the past, not grieving it, not learning from it, just circling it like luggage we can't put down. I've been there. When my life fell apart, not once but in waves, I had to sit with the hard truth. I'd been living a version of my life that looked fine from the outside but wasn't fully mine on the inside.  The regrets I carried weren't just about what I'd lost. They were about what I'd never allowed myself to want clearly enough to actually pursue.  I kept that door cracked. I'd think about it, grieve it a little, then close it again and go back to surviving.

And here's what I know now. The door doesn't close on its own. It closes when you decide to do something with what's on the other side of it, or when you consciously choose to let go and build something better.  But neither of those things can happen while you're just peeking. 

The weight of unaddressed regret is real.  Research on end-of-life regrets  consistently shows the same themes.  I wish I had spoken my feelings. I wish I had stayed close to my friends. I wish I had let myself be happier.  Notice what those have in common. They're not regrets about things people tried and failed. They're regrets about things people never tried at all, about feelings silenced, about voices withheld, about waiting for a safer moment that never came.  That list isn't here to wound you. It's here to wake you up while you still have time to choose differently. 

Regret as a Signal

Here's the reframe I want you to hold on to for the rest of this episode. Regret isn't punishment. It's a signal. It's your inner compass saying, "This still matters. What are you going to do about it?" 

We've been conditioned to treat regret as shame, as evidence that we failed, chose wrong, or missed our shot, so we either suppress it or spiral in it.  Neither of those responses is useful. What's useful is listening to it.  When regret shows up, it's pointing at something, a value you've been neglecting, a relationship that needs attention,  a part of yourself that got set aside in survival mode and hasn't been reclaimed yet. A direction that still has something for you, even if it doesn't look the same as it once did.

Two Traps Suppression and Rumination

The problem isn't regret itself, it's that most of us respond to it in one of two unhelpful ways. 

The first is suppression. We push it down. We tell ourselves, "That time has passed. I'm fine.  I don't have the right to want that anymore." and we close the door, but not all the way, so it keeps drifting open, costing us energy and peace every time it does. 

The second is rumination. We turn the regret over and over. We rehearse the should-haves and could-haves. We stay so focused on what we can't change that we don't do anything with what we still can.

This one masquerades as processing, but it's actually a way of staying safe, because if we keep analyzing the past, we don't have to risk the future.  Neither suppression nor rumination closes the door. Only action does.

Recognizing the pattern isn't enough. Let's get practical. Here are three moves, not theories, but actual steps you can take starting today. 

Move #1: Name It

Move #1: Name it clearly. Vague regret is exhausting. "I should have done more," or, "I wasted so much time," keeps you stuck in a fog. It's too big to act on. Specific regret gives you something to work with. So the first move is simple and a little uncomfortable.

Tell the truth.  Finish the sentence out loud or on paper without softening it.  If I'm honest, I regret that I will never, and then fill in the blank.  Write it down. Look at it. That's not failure. That's data.  Once you've named the specific thing, ask one more question: Does this still matter to me, or does it just feel like it should?

Sometimes what we carry as regret is actually someone else's expectation that we absorbed.  Not every door deserves to be walked through. Some of them deserve to be closed for good, but you can't make that distinction while the regret stays vague.  Name it first, then decide what it's worth. 

Move #2: Past vs Present

Move #2: Separate the past from the present. You can't rewrite what happened, but you can ask, "Is there still a version of this I can pursue, even if it looks different?"  Most of the time, the answer is yes. The friendship that faded, you can reach out today. The creative work you shelved, you can start again, smaller but real. The voice you silenced, it still has something to say. The dream you delayed, delayed isn't dead. 

This is where the first phase of the iCope2Hope System™, radical acceptance, does its most important work. Radical acceptance isn't about being okay with what happened. It's about stopping the war with what can't be changed, so you can direct your energy toward what still can be.

You can grieve what the original opportunity looked like. That grief is real and valid.  And then you can ask, "What's the version of this that's still available to me?"  Those two things can coexist. You don't have to choose between honoring the loss and moving towards something new. 

Move #3: Act Now

Move #3: Act before you're ready.   This is the one most people resist.  Waiting for certainty is the most common way people hand their future to regret. You think, "Once I feel ready, once the timing is better, once I know it'll work." But you won't feel ready.  That's not a personal flaw. That's just how it works.

Clarity isn't something you receive before you move. It's something you build as you move. In my experience, both personally and with every woman I've coached, the step taken in uncertainty does more for confidence than any amount of planning done from a standstill.

So pick the smallest version of the thing,  the one you can do today, this week, with what you have right now. Do that first. Build from there. A text, a search, a single paragraph, a ten-minute conversation, a page in a notebook. Small, real, now.  Because every door you've been circling can be met with one next step. Not a plan, not a leap, just a step. 

10 Minute Action Plan

I want to leave you with something concrete, because ideas without action are just entertainment.  Grab a notebook or open your notes app. Give yourself ten minutes and work through all three moves in order. 

Step 1: Name it. Finish the sentence without softening it. Write it down.

Step 2: Ask yourself whether a version of this is still within reach,  even in a different form than you originally imagined. Write your answer. 

Step 3: If the answer is yes, identify one micro-step you can take in the next twenty-four hours. Not the whole plan, just the next step.

And Step 4: Take it today. Not when you feel ready. Today. That's it.  Significance builds after you start, not before. 

Recap and Closing Encouragement

Let's recap what we covered today.  Regret isn't punishment. It's a signal pointing at something that still matters.  Unaddressed regret doesn't just represent lost opportunity. It drains the energy, presence, and peace you need for a life in front of you.  There are two unhelpful responses to regret:  suppression and rumination, and neither one closes the door. Only action does.  Three practical moves: name it clearly so it becomes data you can act on, separate the past from the present so you can find the version that's still available to you, and act before you feel ready because clarity builds through movement. Small, real, now. That's the formula. 

If you're carrying something today, a door you've been peeking through for months or even years, I want you to hear this. You're not behind. You're not too late. You're not defined by the chapters that didn't go as planned, but you do get to decide what the next one looks like.

Close the door on what can't change. Open the one that still has something for you.  Not moving on, moving through with intention.  You're right where you need to be. Growth happens one step at a time. 

Resources

Thank you for listening to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast. If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who's been carrying the weight of an unopened door, someone who needs this message today. Leave a review. It helps more women find this community, and connect with me at iCope2Hope.com. The link is in the show notes.

Don't forget to grab your free guide, Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day. The link is in the show notes, along with other free resources. 

Until next time, adversity can make you bitter or better. Choose better! You've got this!