S2:E4 When You've Decided It Won't Work (How to Reset and Take the Next Step Anyway)

Overcoming the 'Why Bother' Loop: Practical Steps to Move Forward

In this episode of the Flourishing After Adversity podcast, host Laura Mangum Broome addresses the mental barriers that prevent people from taking necessary steps toward change. She explains how the thought 'It won't work anyway' is often a self-protection mechanism rooted in past pains and disappointments. 

Laura then offers practical steps to overcome this mindset, including conducting a control check, choosing a keystone action, and breaking it into manageable steps. Listeners are encouraged to gather additional information and seek support to help them move forward. She emphasizes the importance of willingness to take small steps, even when hope feels risky. Laura concludes with a reminder that growth happens one step at a time and directs listeners to additional resources available in the show notes.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome
01:07 Understanding Self-Protection
01:58 Real-Life Example
02:45 Protecting vs. Abandoning Yourself
03:29 Three Steps to Get Moving Again
06:54 Practical Tips for Overcoming Doubt
07:22 Recap and Encouragement
08:09 Conclusion and Resources

Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day: https://www.icope2hope.com/reframe

iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework: https://bit.ly/FrameworkRoadmap

Website: iCope2Hope: From Hardship to Hope: https://www.icope2hope.com

Move Beyond Adversity Blog: https://www.icope2hope.com/blog

Free Newsletter: Wednesday’s Resilient Recharge: https://www.icope2hope.com/newsletter

Schedule a free 15-minute Clarity Call with Laura: https://bit.ly/15mincallLMB

Transcript

S2:E4 When You’ve Decided It Won’t Work (How to Reset and Take the Next Step Anyway)

Introduction 

Have you ever wanted your life to change, but you couldn't make yourself take the next step?  Not because you don't care, not because you're lazy, but because your path became difficult and you've already decided "It won't work anyway."  Today's episode is for you.

Welcome to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast. I'm your host, Laura Mangum Broome. If you've been knocked down by life- grief, illness, loss, or unexpected change- you're in the right place. Here we turn setbacks into stepping stones because healing, growth and joy are not out of reach. They're just waiting for space to breathe.

 Before we begin, if you ever feel overwhelmed by negative thoughts after a setback, caught in loops of worry, self-doubt, or mental exhaustion, I've created a free resource for you called Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day. You'll find the link in the show notes.

Understanding Self-Protection

Let's name what's really happening when you say, "It won't work anyway." Most of the time that sentence isn't logic. It's protection. It's your brain trying to prevent disappointment.  If you've been through enough pain, enough loss, enough setbacks, enough, "I tried it and it didn't help," your nervous system learns a pattern. Hope feels risky.  Trying feels exhausting.  Failure feels personal. So your brain makes a deal with you, "If we don't try, we can't be disappointed."  But that deal has a cost because if you don't try, you can't get relief. And over time, that turns into a quiet kind of misery where you're not choosing the life you want, you're just managing the life you have.

Real-Life Example

I'll  share a general example from coaching. Details have been changed for privacy.  One person shared how anxiety and depression started after a childhood illness left them with chronic pain.  Now when new options come up, like support, treatment paths, tools, routines, their brain immediately goes to, "Don't get your hopes up. It'll fail."  And here's what I want you to understand. That response makes sense. When your body has been through pain, your mind tries to prevent more. But the same strategy that helped you survive  can also keep you stuck because it trains you to reject options before you even test them. 

Protecting vs. Abandoning Yourself

Let's talk about the difference between protecting yourself,  and abandoning yourself. This is a big one. Protecting yourself sounds like: I'm going to move carefully. I'm going to gather information. I'm going to ask for support.  I'm going to take one step at a time.  Abandoning yourself sounds like: Why bother? Nothing will help. I already know how this ends. I'm not even going to try. One is wisdom.  The other is hopelessness wearing a disguise.

So if you're listening and you've been stuck in the "why bother" loop, I wanna offer you a reset that's practical and doable. 

Three Steps to Get Moving Again

Here are three steps to get moving again.

Step one: do a control check externally and internally. When you're overwhelmed, your mind fixates in what you can't control. So we flip it.  Make two columns on a piece of paper. On one side is out of my control externally. This can be other people's choices, the past,  the timelines, the economy diagnosises, what someone thinks of you.  The other column is in my control externally.  This can be what you schedule, who you ask for help, what you say yes and no to, and what you try next.

Then make two more columns. These are gonna be the same, but internally,  so out of my control internally. These are intrusive thoughts, feelings that show up, old triggers, your emotional reaction.   In my control internally. This is what you do  with those feelings, how you talk to yourself, what you practice, what you choose next.  Here's the point. You don't need to control everything.  You just need to determine one controllable thing because that's where momentum starts. 

Step two: pick one keystone action.  A keystone action is one small action that makes other actions easier. It's the first domino. It's the thing that creates movement. Examples are booking the appointment, telling one trusted person what's really going on, taking a 10 minute walk two to three times this week, writing down your triggers and patterns, moving your body, drinking water, going to bed earlier.  This isn't about fixing your whole life, it's about proving to yourself, "I can move." 

Step three: make it tiny, lower the emotional cost.  If your nervous system is maxed out, "just do it" won't work.  So you make it smaller.  An example for book the appointment becomes find the phone number or website. Write a one to two sentence script. Set a five minute timer.  Make the call or submit the form.  Put the date on the calendar.  An example for Tell someone I need support becomes choose the person, write the text in notes, hit send. Let the response be what it is.  Tiny steps lower the emotional cost of action, and when the emotional cost goes down, consistency goes up.

Once you've chosen your one action, ask two practical questions. The first one is, what additional information do I need to make this happen? This is how you stop guessing and start getting clearer.   The second question is, who can help encourage and support me along the way because you were never meant to do hard things alone.  Support can look like a friend who won't judge a counselor, coach, doctor, pastor, or priest, a support group, someone who will simply text, "Did you take that step today?" 

Practical Tips for Overcoming Doubt

Let's get really practical. If your brain says it won't work, you don't have to fight it, you can answer it. Try responses like: maybe, but I'm going to test one small step.  I don't need a guarantee, I need new evidence.  I can do hard things for five minutes.  I'm not deciding the outcome today. I'm choosing the next step.  This is how you stop letting fear write the ending. 

Recap and Encouragement

Let's recap what we learned today.

Thinking it won't work is often self-protection, not truth. There's a difference between protecting yourself and abandoning yourself.   Do a control check, externally and internally.  Choose one keystone action.  Break it into tiny steps to lower the emotional cost.  Get any additional information you need and the support you deserve.

If you're in a season where hope feels risky, I want you to hear this. You don't have to feel ready. You just have to be willing. And willingness can be as small as taking one step. You're right where you need to be. Growth happens one step at a time. 

Conclusion and Resources

Thank you for listening to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast. If this episode helped you, please share it with three friends in need of hope. Leave a review or connect with me online at iCope2Hope.com. The link is in the show notes. And don't forget to download your free guide, Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day. The link is also in the show notes as well as other free resources. Until next time. Remember, adversity can make you bitter or better. Choose better! You've got this!