S1:E31 How to Rebuild After Divorce: 5 Mindset Shifts to Heal, Grow and Thrive

Rebuilding After Divorce: Five Mindset Shifts for Healing and Growth

In this episode of the Flourishing After Adversity podcast, host Laura Mangum Broome, a resilience coach, author, and survivor, discusses how to rebuild your life after divorce through five transformative mindset shifts. Laura shares her personal journey and practical strategies to help listeners move from feeling lost and broken to discovering a new sense of purpose. 

She emphasizes the importance of radical acceptance, recognizing gains amidst loss, allowing yourself to grow through the process, intentionally designing your new life, and rebuilding a supportive community. 

Laura also offers a free guide to help manage negative thoughts and encourages listeners to subscribe for more episodes on overcoming setbacks and choosing growth over bitterness.

00:00 Introduction: Facing Unexpected Life Changes
00:21 Welcome to the Flourishing After Adversity Podcast
00:49 Rebuilding After Divorce: Five Mindset Shifts
01:24 Personal Story: Realizing the End of a Marriage
02:49 Mindset Shift 1: From 'Why Me' to 'What Now'
03:22 Mindset Shift 2: From 'I Lost Everything' to 'What Did I Gain'
03:46 Mindset Shift 3: From 'I Should Be Over This' to 'I'm Growing Through This'
04:20 Mindset Shift 4: From 'Who Am I Now' to 'Who Do I Want to Become'
04:51 Mindset Shift 5: From 'I'm Alone' to 'I'm Rebuilding My Community'
05:21 Navigating the Hard Days and Celebrating Small Wins
06:37 Recap and Final Thoughts
07:05 Closing Remarks and Call to Action

Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day https://www.icope2hope.com/reframe

iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework: https://bit.ly/FrameworkRoadmap

Website: iCope2Hope: From Hardship to Hope https://www.icope2hope.com

Move Beyond Adversity Blog:  https://www.icope2hope.com/blog

Free Newsletter: Wednesday’s Resilient Recharge https://www.icope2hope.com/newsletter

Schedule a free 15-minute Clarity Call with Laura: https://bit.ly/15mincallLMB 

Transcript

S1:E31 How to Rebuild After Divorce: 5 Mindset Shifts to Heal, Grow, and Thrive

 Have you ever found yourself staring at the pieces of a life you never expected to lose? Wondering how you'll ever put them back together?  Maybe you're waking up to a reality you didn't choose. Feeling lost, stuck, or even broken.  If that's you, you'll want to continue listening to today's episode.

Welcome to the Flourishing After Adversity Podcast

Welcome to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast. I'm your host, Laura Mangum Broome, resilience coach, author, and fellow survivor who's been through the fire and found hope on the other side.  If you've been knocked down by life, grief, illness loss, or unexpected change, you're in the right place. Get ready to turn your setbacks into stepping stones because healing, growth and joy are just the beginning. 

Rebuilding After Divorce: Five Mindset Shifts

In today's episode, we're going to talk about how to rebuild after divorce, five mindset shifts that changed everything.  

But before we do, are you overwhelmed with negative thoughts after a setback? If so, then I have the perfect resource for you. It's called Reframe the Spiral, five quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim your Day. These are the same tools I use when I feel stuck in a loop of negative thinking, and I want to pass them on to you.

Just check the show notes for the link. 

Personal Story: Realizing the End of a Marriage

I will never forget the moment I realized my marriage was truly over. After discovering their relationship had been going on for over a year. I sat with the weight of it all, the betrayal, the loss, the uncertainty, but beneath all that pain, I found something else.

Clarity. I knew I had tried everything in my power. He made his choice. Now I had to make mine to move forward.  If you're feeling like your life has shattered, you are not alone. Divorce isn't just the end of a relationship. It's a dismantling of your identity, your daily routines, your future plans and your sense of self.

The world might expect you to bounce back quickly, but real healing doesn't follow anyone else's timeline. It follows yours. 

Here's something I wish I'd known sooner. Trying to bounce back after divorce isn't the best answer. You've changed.  The person you were in that marriage isn't the person you need to become now. Instead of bouncing back, I learned to grow forward. That means taking what you've learned, acknowledging how you've changed, and intentionally creating a life that reflects who you're becoming, not who you used to be. 

Let's dive into the five mindset shifts that helped me move from feeling shattered to discovering a new sense of purpose.

Mindset Shift 1: From 'Why Me' to 'What Now'

Number one from why me to what now?  It's natural to get stuck asking why did this happen?  But staying in why me kept me stuck.  Radical acceptance doesn't mean you're okay with what happened. It means you accept what did, and you focus on what's in your power to move forward now.  When you catch yourself spiraling into why me ask yourself, what's one thing I can control today? Small acts rebuild the sense of agency. 

Mindset Shift 2: From 'I Lost Everything' to 'What Did I Gain'

Number two,  from I lost everything to what did I gain?  The losses are real and devastating, but starting over also brought unexpected gains. Freedom, clarity, and a chance to pursue my own dreams.  Create a what I've gained list. Both. Loss and gain can exist at the same time. 

Mindset Shift 3: From 'I Should Be Over This' to 'I'm Growing Through This'

Number three, from, I should be over this to, I'm growing through this.  Timeline pressure is brutal. Healing isn't linear.  I learned to replace. I should be over this now with I'm learning to build a new life.  Try this instead of I should be stronger. Say I'm learning to be gentle with myself.  If you feel you're stuck in grief, please talk to a counselor to help you process your emotions. I found this very helpful when I was going through my unexpected divorce.

Mindset Shift 4: From 'Who Am I Now' to 'Who Do I Want to Become'

Number four, from who am I now to who do I want to become?  Divorce is an identity crisis, but it's also a rare opportunity to design your life intentionally. Instead of asking, who am I now? I started asking who do I want to become?  Complete the sentence. If nothing was holding me back, I would And fill in the blank, , then repeat this question nine times. Write it down and look at it daily.

Mindset Shift 5: From 'I'm Alone' to 'I'm Rebuilding My Community'

Number five,  from I'm alone to, I'm rebuilding my community.  Divorce can leave you feeling isolated, but being alone isn't the same as being lonely. This is your chance to build genuine connections with people who support the real you.  Take one small step to connect this week. Join a group for people rebuilding after divorce. Reach out to an old friend or volunteer for a cause you believe in. 

Navigating the Hard Days and Celebrating Small Wins

Even with these shifts, some days will be hard   grief comes in waves, comparison, stills, joy. Sometimes progress is invisible because you're living it every day. If you find yourself feeling stuck, know that it's completely normal. Healing isn't a straight line. And setbacks don't erase your progress. There will be days when a song, a date on the calendar, or even a familiar place brings a wave of grief or doubt.  When this happens, try to pause and acknowledge your feelings.  Remind yourself that feeling the pain doesn't mean you're moving backward. It means you're human.  One thing that helped me was starting a growth journal. Once a week, I'd write down one thing that was easier this week than last.  Sometimes it was something small like making it through a tough day or reaching out to a friend. Over time, these small wins added up and gave me proof that I was in fact moving forward, even if it didn't always feel like it.  Remember, progress isn't always visible in the moment. Celebrate your small victories and give yourself grace on the hard days. Every step, no matter how small counts towards your healing and growth.

Recap and Final Thoughts

Let's recap the five mindset shifts  from why me to what now? From I lost everything, to what did I gain  from, I should be over this to I'm growing through this.   From, who am I now to who do I wanna become?  From I'm alone to, I'm rebuilding my community. Remember, you're not just surviving, you're growing forward. 

Closing Remarks and Call to Action

As I mentioned earlier, if you want to take control of your negative thoughts during times of uncertainty, be sure to grab my free guide. Reframe the spiral, five quick coping strategies to shift negative thoughts and reclaim your day. Click the link in the show notes. 

All right. That's it for this episode. Please take a second to subscribe to this show so you'll be notified when future episodes come out.  Also, it would mean the world to me if you would rate or review the show. That way more people can find out about it. Better yet, please forward this episode to someone you know who's experiencing divorce and is in need of hope.  Until next time. Remember, adversity can make you bitter or better, choose better!

You've got this!