S1:E24 How to Find the Third Option When Life Feels Impossible

Finding the Third Alternative: Moving from Surviving to Thriving

In this episode of the Flourishing After Adversity podcast, host Laura Mangum Broome discusses how to navigate difficult choices and find a third, creative alternative when faced with two bad options. 

Through the story of Karrie, who faced a tough decision between a promising job opportunity and awaiting cancer biopsy results, Laura explains the importance of a growth mindset, discovering personal strengths, and thinking outside the box. 

Utilizing Stephen Covey’s concept of the third alternative and the iCOPE2Hope Resilience Framework, listeners learn actionable steps to turn adversity into opportunity. The episode also introduces a free resource, 'Reframe the Spiral', aimed at helping people shift negative thoughts and regain control.

00:00 Introduction to Flourishing After Adversity
00:39 Today's Topic: The Third Alternative
01:27 Karrie's Dilemma: A Real-Life Example
02:27 Understanding the Third Alternative
03:04 Applying the iCope2Hope Resilience Framework
04:28 Covey's Insights on Synergy
05:02 The iCOPE Problem Solving Method
08:42 Recap and Reflection Exercise
09:36 Final Thoughts and Resources

Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day https://www.icope2hope.com/reframe

iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework: https://bit.ly/FrameworkRoadmap

Website: iCope2Hope: From Hardship to Hope https://www.icope2hope.com

Move Beyond Adversity Blog:  https://www.icope2hope.com/blog

Free Newsletter: Wednesday’s Resilient Recharge https://www.icope2hope.com/newsletter

Schedule a free 15-minute Clarity Call with Laura: https://bit.ly/15mincallLMB 

Transcript

Laura: 0:02

When life corners you with two bad options, there's almost always a third one waiting for you to see it. Welcome to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast. I'm your host, Laura Mangum Broome, Resilience Coach and author of Flourishing After Adversity: A 3-step Action Plan to Transform Pain into Purpose and Embrace Joy Again. If you've been knocked down by life, through loss, illness, or unexpected change, you're in the right place. Here we talk about how to move from surviving to thriving, one hopeful step at a time. In today's episode, we're diving into a topic that every listener will face at some point. What do you do when both choices in front of you feel wrong? By the end of this episode, you'll know how to find what Stephen Covey calls the third alternative, that creative life-giving option, hiding between yes and no. But first, if your thoughts have been spinning in circles lately, I have a free resource to help you calm the noise. It's called Reframe the Spiral, five Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim your Day. They're the same tools I use when I feel stuck, and they'll help you find your footing too. You can grab it using the link in the show notes. Karrie sat at her desk staring at a blank job application. An ideal teaching position had just opened up the kind she'd waited years for, but in the same week, she was waiting on breast cancer biopsy results that would determine if she needed a lumpectomy or chemo and radiation treatments if I apply and get the job she told me. I might have to quit, but if I don't apply, I'll lose the income I desperately need. It felt like an impossible choice until she discovered there was another way. Most of us have moments like Karrie's where life splits into two hard paths. Do you stay or leave? Push forward or pull back? Say yes or no. That kind of either or thinking traps us. It keeps us afraid to choose, afraid to lose, and unable to move forward. Stephen Covey calls this a false dilemma when both options feel wrong because we're looking through the wrong lens. His answer is the third alternative. It's not my way or your way, it's a new way. It's not about compromise. It's about creation. When you feel trapped, your brain goes into control mode. If I pick this, I lose that, but that fear limits your vision. Real resilience starts when you ask. What else could be possible here? Using myiCope2Hope Resilience Framework. Karrie began to see new possibilities. Step one, develop a growth mindset to conquer change. She stopped assuming there was only one right answer instead of I can't. She asked, what can I do right now? Step two, discover your superpowers. To overcome challenges, Karrie was creative. She painted restored furniture and crafted outdoor decor. Those weren't just hobbies, they were resources or what I like to call superpowers. Step three, think outside the box to uncover opportunities. Instead of choosing between applying or waiting, she found a third path. She asked about a substitute teaching role at the same school, flexible enough to fit around whatever the treatment she needed and she could continue working her other part-time job. She started researching a YouTube channel to teach art and crafts and to inspire others For the first time in weeks, her face lit up. She realized she didn't have to choose between healing or purpose. That's the heart of the third alternative, hope through creativity. Covey's next insight is about synergy. He says it starts with three inner shifts. I see myself, I see you. I seek you out. Finding a third way often requires help. Karrie invited her doctor, family, and me, her coach, into the conversation. Together, we explored options. She couldn't see alone when she stopped trying to control everything and started collaborating. Clarity replaced panic. You can use my iCOPE problem solving method to do the same. Step one I stands for. Identify the real issue. Ask what's the real problem underneath my fear. Step two C stands for control. What you can let go of what's out of reach, focus on what's still within your grasp. Step three. O stands for outcomes best, worst, and most likely, write them down. You'll feel more prepared and shrink your fear of uncertainty. Step four P stands for planned small achievable steps. Take one. Doable action Today. Momentum builds confidence. Step five. E stands for evaluate and adapt. Check in, be flexible, adjust as life unfolds. This structure doesn't erase uncertainty. It gives you agency in the middle of it. Covey defines synergy as one plus one equal three or more. It is what happens when two opposing forces create something better together. A setback turns into strength. A delay becomes preparation. A loss reveals a new purpose. Karrie's life didn't become perfect overnight, but it became possible again most of us. Fall into one of two traps. The flight trap, forcing a decision before you're ready. The freeze trap. Avoiding decisions and waiting for clarity that never comes. the third alternative, invites a gentler way. Pause and create. When you're stuck, breathe and ask, What new possibility haven't I considered yet? If I stop trying to win, what could I learn? How could this situation be both painful and purposeful? Let's tie it back to the iCope2Hope Framework. Step one, develop a growth mindset. Replace. I can't with I can One step at a time. Step two, discover your superpowers. Remember the strengths that helped you through hard seasons before. they're still available to use. Again. Step three, think outside the box, Combine what you know with what's possible. The goal isn't perfection, it's progress. Covey's third alternative shows you how to find new options. the iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework gives you the mindset to grow after change. And the iCOPE5-Step Problem Solving Method gives you the structure to turn creativity into real movement. Together they form your roadmap for everyday resilience. A few months later, Karrie called me again. Her voice was lighter. had her lumpectomy and didn't need chemo, only radiation. She became a substitute teacher, taught art part-time on YouTube, built an online following and found peace in the process. She said something I'll never forget. I realized I didn't have to wait for life to calm down before I started living again. That's the gift of the third alternative. It reminds us that life may not go back to what it was, but it can still be beautiful. Try this reflection exercise today. Think about one decision you've been avoiding. Write down the two options. You keep bouncing between. Then ask yourself, what would a third alternative look like? What's another way to meet both needs? Who could help you find it? And what's one small step you could take this week? Let's recap what we learned when life corners you with two hard choices. Look for the third option. A growth mindset opens possibilities you can't see in fear. Collaboration turns isolation into clarity. The iCope2Hope Systems turn ideas into action. You are never truly out of options. There is always, always another way. If you're ready to stop feeling stuck and start creating new possibilities, download my free guide, reframe the Spiral, five quick coping strategies to shift negative thoughts and reclaim your day. And if you'd like a little extra support, you can schedule a free 15 minute clarity call with me. You'll find both links in the show notes. Alright, that's it for this episode. If this message encourage you, please subscribe and leave a quick review. It helps others find hope too. better yet, I'd appreciate it very much if you'd share this episode with three people in need of hope. Until next time, remember, adversity can make you bitter or better, choose better. You've got this!