S1:E23 The Mindset Shift That Turns Setbacks Into Strength

Transforming Setbacks into Strength: Embrace Your Gains

In this episode of the Flourishing After Adversity podcast, host Laura Mangum Broome discusses the transformative mindset shift from focusing on what's missing to recognizing personal progress. Emphasizing the principles from Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan’s book 'The Gap and The Gain', Laura explains how measuring backward to see how far you've come fosters resilience and healing. 

The episode delves into the iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework and the iCOPE 5-Step Problem Solving Method, offering practical strategies for overcoming adversity and cultivating a growth mindset. Listeners are encouraged to celebrate small wins, redefine success, and live aligned with their core values. Additional resources, including the 'Reframe the Spiral' guide and a free Clarity Call, are provided to support listeners on their journey.

00:00 Introduction: Measuring Life by What's Missing
01:04 Understanding the Gap and the Gain
02:39 Applying the iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework
03:43 Harnessing Gratitude for Growth
04:05 Implementing the iCOPE Problem Solving Method
05:49 Combining Frameworks for Resilience
08:22 Daily Habits for Building Resilience
09:23 Conclusion and Next Steps

Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day https://www.icope2hope.com/reframe

iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework: https://bit.ly/FrameworkRoadmap

Website: iCope2Hope: From Hardship to Hope https://www.icope2hope.com

Move Beyond Adversity Blog:  https://www.icope2hope.com/blog

Free Newsletter: Wednesday’s Resilient Recharge https://www.icope2hope.com/newsletter

Schedule a free 15-minute Clarity Call with Laura: https://bit.ly/15mincallLMB

Transcript

Laura: 0:01

Are you measuring your life by what's missing? In today's episode, we're talking about the mindset shift that turns setbacks into strength. You'll walk away knowing how to stop measuring your life by what's missing, and start seeing how far you've already come. Welcome to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast. I'm your host, Laura Mangum Broome Resilience Coach and author of Flourishing After Adversity. If you've been knocked down by life, grief, illness loss, or unexpected change, you're in the right place. Here we turn setbacks into stepping stones because healing, growth and joy aren't just possible. They're waiting for you. Before we dive in, if you ever feel stuck in a loop of negative thinking, I have a free resource for you. Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day. It's short, simple, and practical. You'll find the link in the show notes. Imagine climbing a steep hill with a heavy backpack. You keep looking up at the peak thinking how far you still have to go. The climb feels endless. That's what living in the gap feels like. You focus on what's missing. The job, you lost, the health, you no longer have the relationship that ended. But what if you stop, turn around and look back at how far you've already climbed? You'll see proof of your resilience. That's called living in the gain in their book, the Gap in the Game. Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan explain this shift as the difference between frustration and fulfillment. It is not about lowering your standards. It's about changing how you measure success after adversity. It's easy to measure life by what's gone, but when you focus on how far you've come, you start to see your own strength. That's where healing begins. When you measure forward, you compare yourself to an ideal that doesn't exist yet. It creates shame and exhaustion, but when you measure backward, you see how much progress you've already made. When life changes overnight through loss, illness, or heartbreak, your brain fixates on what used to be. You think I should be farther along by now, but progress after trauma isn't linear. It comes in uneven, often invisible steps. Here's how to apply this using my iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework. Step one, develop a growth mindset to conquer change. Instead of asking why am I not healed yet? Try asking. What have I learned that I didn't know before? Step two, discover your superpowers. To overcome challenges. Every obstacle reveals hidden strengths, courage, patience, creativity. Write them down. Step three, think outside the box to uncover opportunities. Ask yourself, how can I use what I've learned to help someone else or create something new? That's how pain turns into purpose. Let's put this into action. Write down three challenges you faced in the past year and next to each one. List something that's easier for you. Now because of it. Keep that list where you'll see it daily. It's your proof of progress. Happiness doesn't come from hitting a finish line. It comes from noticing movement. Gratitude helps you see that you're still growing even when life doesn't look the way you hoped. Gratitude isn't pretending things are fine. It's balance. It reminds your brain what's still good and what's still within your influence. Gratitude brings calm, which opens the door to clear thinking and wise choices, how to take action using the iCOPE Problem Solving Method. Step one, identify the issue. What's currently stealing your peace? Write it down. Step two, control what's controllable. You can't change the past, but you can choose your next thought word or action, and how you respond to your situation. Step three, outcomes. Best, worst, and most likely. Envisioning these outcomes shrinks your fears, so they'll lose their power. Step four, plan, small, achievable steps. Choose one action today. Call a friend. Take a walk, or make that appointment you've been putting off. Step five, evaluate and adapt. Reflect at the end of each day, adjust with grace. Let's put this into action Each evening, write one thing you accomplished and one thing you're grateful for. It can be as small as I got out of bed or a friend texted to check in on me. Progress plus gratitude equals gain. Real growth isn't measured by external success. It's an inside job. It's about alignment. Are your choices matching your core values after loss. It's easy to feel like you're no longer the same person, and that's true, but it's not bad. You're growing, you're learning to live from the inside out. How to use the iCope2Hope Resilience Framework and the iCOPE Problem Solving Method together. Let's start with the Resilience Framework. Step one, replace judgment with curiosity. Ask, what is this challenge trying to teach me? Step two. Identify one inner strength that hardship revealed. Compassion, faith, persistence, or another strength. Step three, look for meaning. How has this shifted? What matters most? Then apply the iCOPE Problem Solving Method. Step one, identify the tension between who you were and who you're becoming. Step two, control the controllable. You can't change the past, but you can find a new path forward. Step three, outline possible outcomes to quiet your fears. Best, worst, and most likely. Step four, plan. One, small action step that aligns with your core values. And step five, evaluate and adapt along the way. Be flexible. Inner growth is a lifelong reward. Let's put this into action. Redefine success for the season of your life. Maybe it's peace instead of productivity. Connection instead of perfection. Ask yourself at days end, did I act in a way that honors who I wanna be? If yes, you're living in the gain. Here's what keeps people stuck in the gap, waiting to feel ready. Chasing the past, hoping things will go back to normal. Comparing their pain to others. Measuring progress by external approval. Those habits drain your power. You don't heal by rewinding your life. You heal by reimagining it. You move forward not by waiting for clarity, but by acting with courage. One small step at a time. The iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework gives you the mindset to grow after change. The iCOPE 5-Step Problem Method gives you the structure to act on it Together, they turn someday into today. When you combine them with the principles from The Gap in The Gain, you build a daily habit of gratitude, progress, and self-trust. your next step. Ask yourself each morning, what's one gain I can recognize at the end of the day, it could be your courage to show up. Your choice to set a boundary are simply that you're still here, still trying. That's where resilience begins. One, gain one day, one choice at a time. So let's recap what we've learned. Stop measuring forward. Look back to see your progress and celebrate small wins. Gratitude plus progress rewires your brain for hope. Live in the gain. Growth is an inside job. Align with your values and who you're becoming. The resilience framework and problem solving method give you a growth mindset and structure to move forward on your new path. And finally, you don't have to fix your whole life. Just find one gain today. If today's episode helped you reframe how you see setbacks, grab your free copy, Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day. It's a great companion to today's conversation and helps you regain calm when life feels heavy. and if you're ready to explore how these tools can work in your life, book a free 15 minute Clarity Call with me. Both links are in the show notes. That's it for this episode of Flourishing After Adversity Podcast. If you've enjoyed today's message, please follow rate and review the show. It helps others find hope too. Better yet, I'd appreciate it very much if you would share this episode with three friends in need of hope. Until next time, remember, adversity can make you bitter or better. Choose better. You've got this!