S1:E5 Why I Cringe When I Hear "Give Yourself Permission"

00:00 Introduction to Flourishing After Adversity
00:35 The Power of Mindset Shifts
00:43 Free Guide: Reframe the Spiral
01:25 Challenging the Concept of Permission
02:42 Understanding the Real Barriers
04:18 Fear and Self-Protection
05:20 The iCope2Hope Resilience Framework
05:49 Case Study: Renee's Transformation
06:30 Embracing Your Inner Rebel
07:29 Practical Steps to Move Forward
08:27 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day https://www.icope2hope.com/reframe

Website: iCope2Hope: From Hardship to Hope https://www.icope2hope.com

Free Paperback: Flourishing After Adversity (Pay only $4.99 shipping; U.S. Orders Only) https://www.icope2hope.com/freebook 

Book a free Clarity Call: https://bit.ly/15mincallLMB 

Transcript

 Welcome to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast. I'm your host, Laura Mangum Broome, Resilience Coach and author of Flourishing After Adversity. If you've ever been knocked down by life--grief, illness loss, or unexpected change, you're in the right place. This is where we turn setbacks into stepping stones because healing, growth and joy are just the beginning.

Ever feel like you're waiting for someone to tell you it's okay to start over? What if I told you that permission is not the problem? By the end of this episode, you'll walk away with a powerful mindset shift that puts you back in the driver's seat of your life. What if I told you that permission is not the problem?

The Power of Mindset Shifts

By the end of this podcast, you'll walk away with a powerful mindset shift that puts you back in the driver's seat of your life. But first, if you're stuck in a spiral of nev. But first, if you're stuck in.

Free Guide: Reframe the Spiral

But first, if you're stuck in a spiral of negative thoughts, please don't wait another day to get my free guide. It's called Reframe the Spiral. Five Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day.

These aren't generic tips. They're the exact tools I reach for when I'm overwhelmed, unmotivated, or stuck in fear. Each one is short, simple, and designed to help you interrupt the spiral and feel grounded again, even if everything else feels out of control. You'll find the link in the show notes or go to iCope2Hope.com/reframe.

So let's begin.

Challenging the Concept of Permission

Why I cringe when I hear the phrase give yourself permission. Well, let's go back for a minute. Growing up, I was that child, the stubborn one, the one with the imaginary chip on her shoulder, daring anyone to knock it off, just like the old Everready battery commercial from the seventies with actor Robert Conrad.

He'd stare into the camera and say, I dare you to knock this off. My family took that dare with me more than once. Snickering, they'd walk up to me and playfully flick the invisible battery off my shoulder just to see me fume and oh, I did not dis, And oh, I did not disappoint. As a teenager, if my parents told me I couldn't do something that I wanted to do, I'd do it anyway.

Even if I didn't want to do something I was told not to do, I'd do it just because I was told not to. I was headstrong. Independent. Determined. So when I grew up and kept hearing personal development advice, like give yourself permission, I cringed. Permission from myself? If I want to do something, I just do it unless something else gets in my way. And that's the real conversation we need to have today.

Understanding the Real Barriers

Why permission isn't always the problem. On the surface, the phrase, give yourself permission. sounds empowering. But, let's be honest. You're not asking permission to eat a cookie. You're not asking permission to start reading a new chapter. You're asking for something deeper.

You're looking for confidence.

You're searching for courage. You're craving certainty in the unknown and permission doesn't give you those things. For women in midlife, especially those who've been through loss illness or identity shifts, the struggle isn't just action, it's trusting ourselves. Again, we say things like, I don't know if I can? What will people think?

What if I fail? You can give yourself permission all day long, but if fear is still running the show? Face it, you're not going anywhere.

So what's really going on beneath the surface? Let's name what's actually happening when you feel stuck. It's not about permission, productivity, or procrastination.

It's about fear of being seen or fear of being wrong, or fear that you'll look foolish if you try and fail--again. Here's the truth most people skip. When you avoid change, you often call it "waiting for permission," but really you're waiting to feel safe. Safe to try. Safe to be seen. Safe to hope again.

Fear and Self-Protection

So let's talk about this fear that follows adversity.

When you've been through major adversity--loss, illness, heartache--your nervous system remembers it. Even years later, your body and brain say, "Don't do that again. Stay where it's safe." So when you consider making a bold move--changing careers, ending a relationship, moving cities, going back to school--your mind doesn't say you need permission.

It says, "That's too risky. You've already been through too much. Don't get your hopes up." We confuse the self-protection with the lack of permission, but they are not the same.

So what do you need instead? Let me tell you what helped me. I didn't need permission. I needed clarity.

I didn't need validation. I needed an action plan. I didn't need approval. I needed a support system.

The iCope2Hope Resilience Framework

That's what I teach in my iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework. It's not about asking yourself for permission, it's about equipping yourself with a mindset that says, "I can move forward--even if I'm scared."

A strategy that says, "Here's the next small step I'll take today." A support system that says, "You're not doing this alone." So let's look at a real life example.

Case Study: Renee's Transformation

Let's talk about Renee. She came to me after a divorce and a major health setback.

She kept saying, "I know what I want, but I can't seem to do it. I think I just need to give myself permission to move on." But what she really needed was clarity and courage. Together we created a plan. She redefined what success looked like In her new chapter, she practiced small wins to rebuild confidence and momentum, and she stopped asking if she was allowed and started asking if she was aligned.

One day she said, "I don't feel like I need permission anymore. I feel ready!" That's the shift we're after.

Embracing Your Inner Rebel

I confess, I still have that inner rebel in me. I've given her a new name. Trendless Trixie because she refuses to follow trends. She doesn't come out often except in the fall.

You know when it's pumpkin-everything season. She's still stubborn and bold. Trendless Trixie likes the flavor of pumpkin, but refuses to jump on the bandwagon. She must hold out until the cranberry craze, and then she moves by stealth and incorporates pumpkin with the cranberry. Anyway, enough about my inner rebel.

Over the years I've discovered this boldness doesn't mean recklessness. Confidence doesn't mean perfection. And starting over doesn't mean I failed. Sometimes being brave looks like trying again quietly, and on your terms. You don't need permission. You need resolve. You need to remember that your life belongs to you.

Practical Steps to Move Forward

But what do you do when you find yourself stuck? Here are three things you can do right now if you're waiting for permission. Replace permission with a question. Ask, what do I need to feel safe? Ask, "What do I need to feel safe taking this next step?" Clarity usually calms the fear.

The second way is to borrow belief until yours kicks in. If you're still unsure, borrow my belief in you. I've seen hundreds of women step into something new at age 45, 55, even 70. You're not too late. You're just getting started. And the third way is to take one tiny step. You don't need a full plan, you just need a toe in the water.

Maybe it's sending an email. Maybe it's saying no for the first time. Maybe it's booking a clarity call with me. Small steps still move mountains.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Today we unpacked the phrase, "give yourself permission" and why it often misses the mark. Let's review what we covered. You don't need permission. You need clarity, courage, and support.

Fear disguises itself as "needing permission," but it's really fear of visibility, rejection, or failure. You're already enough. You're already allowed. What you're waiting for isn't permission. It's belief. Belief comes with action.

If this episode spoke to you and you're ready to shift your mindset when life feels heavy, don't forget to grab my free guide, "Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day." Just click the link in the show notes or go to iCope2Hope.com/reframe.

And if you want to go deeper with this work, schedule a free clarity call with me. Let's talk about where you feel stuck and what small steps you can take next. You're not alone.

All right. That's it for this episode of the Flourishing After Adversity Podcast. If you've enjoyed today's message, please hit that subscribe button so you know when new episodes drop.

And if you take a moment to rate or review this podcast, it would mean the world to me and help others find the skills and tools they need, too. Better yet, please share this episode with three people in need of hope. Until next time, remember, adversity can make you bitter or better.

Choose better. You've got this!

Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day https://www.icope2hope.com/reframe

Website: iCope2Hope: From Hardship to Hope https://www.icope2hope.com

Free Paperback: Flourishing After Adversity (Pay only $4.99 shipping; U.S. Orders Only) https://www.icope2hope.com/freebook 

Book a free Clarity Call: https://bit.ly/15mincallLMB