S1:E3 From Victim to Victor: Embrace the Power to Shape Your Life

From Victim to Victor: 7 Mindset Shifts to Overcome Adversity

In this episode of Flourishing After Adversity, host Laura Mangum Broome discusses transforming setbacks into stepping stones and moving from victimhood to victory. She shares seven crucial mindset shifts: practicing gratitude, being proactive, seeking win-win solutions, celebrating others, accepting life's unfairness, embracing positivity, and stepping out of comfort zones. Laura also introduces a free resource, 'Reframe the Spiral,' to help listeners shift negative thoughts. The episode is filled with personal anecdotes and practical advice for reclaiming control and finding hope in the face of life's challenges.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:39 Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral
01:04 Story of Sue and Ann: Victim vs. Victor
02:07 Understanding Victim Mode
02:49 Personal Story: Shifting from Victim to Victor
03:18 Seven Mindset Shifts
03:32 Mindset Shift 1: Cultivate Gratitude
04:06 Mindset Shift 2: Be Proactive
04:48 Mindset Shift 3: Seek Win-Win Solutions
05:36 Mindset Shift 4: Celebrate Others' Successes
06:15 Mindset Shift 5: Accept Life's Unfairness
06:52 Mindset Shift 6: Embrace Positivity
07:21 Mindset Shift 7: Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
08:08 Heart-to-Heart: You Are Not Weak
08:39 Review of the Seven Mindset Shifts
09:23 ‌Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral

09:50 Affirmation

10:19 Wrap Up

Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day https://www.icope2hope.com/reframe

Website: iCope2Hope: From Hardship to Hope https://www.icope2hope.com

Free Paperback: Flourishing After Adversity (Pay only $4.99 shipping; U.S. Orders Only) https://www.icope2hope.com/freebook

Transcript

 Introduction and Welcome

Welcome to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast. I'm your host, Laura Mangum Broome. If you've been knocked down by life, grief, illness loss, or unexpected change, you're in the right place. Get ready to turn your setbacks into stepping stones because healing, growth and joy are just the beginning. In today's episode, we're talking about what it really means to go from Victim to Victor and how to take back your power when life feels out of control.

But before we begin, let me ask you something. Are you overwhelmed with negative thoughts after a setback?

Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral

If so, you're not alone and I've got a free resource to help. It is called "Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day."

These are the same tools I used when I felt paralyzed by loss and uncertainty. Just check the show notes to grab your copy or go to icope2hope.com/reframe.

Story of Sue and Ann: Victim vs. Victor

Let's start with a story. I want you to meet two people, Sue and Ann.

Both are experienced professionals. Both work in the same office. Both have faced career disappointments and strained relationships at work. But here's the difference. Sue feels stuck passed over for promotions, struggling to connect with coworkers. She blames others for her setbacks and feels like she has no control in her career.

Sue is reactive, problem-focused, and helpless. Ann? She's faced similar challenges too-- but she approaches them differently. When something doesn't go her way, she pauses, reflects and takes action to move forward in a different direction. Ann is proactive, solution-focused, and hopeful. The difference isn't the challenges they face, it's how they respond to them.

Victims wait for things to change. Victors create the change they want to see.

Understanding Victim Mode

Why do we slip into victim mode? We've all been there.

Maybe it was after someone else took the credit for your hard work, an unexpected diagnosis, or a loss that knocked the wind out of you. It's normal to feel like life isn't fair because sometimes it truly is. But if we stay in that place too long, victimhood becomes our identity.

Why? Because victim mode offers something deceptively comforting. No responsibility, no risk of failure, no emotional exposure. But here's the cost. No progress, no healing, and no hope.

Personal Story: Shifting from Victim to Victor

When I was deep in the thick of my own setbacks, cancer grief, a heart transplant, and divorce, I had moments when I thought, "Why me?"

I was angry. I was tired. I didn't wanna fight anymore, but I realized something powerful. Pain is inevitable. Staying stuck is optional. That's when I began shifting from Victim to Victor.

One small decision at a time.

Seven Mindset Shifts

Now I want to walk you through the seven mindset shifts that changed my life, and that can change yours too. You're going to hear me talk about these again and again on my podcast because they are so important.

Mindset Shift 1: Cultivate Gratitude

The first shift is to cultivate gratitude.

Gratitude doesn't erase pain, but it makes space for perspective. Instead of focusing on what's missing, look for what's still good. Even in the grief during my adversities, I could be thankful for a kind nurse, a friend's phone call, even a soft blanket. Gratitude rewires your mind to see possibilities instead of problems. I challenge you to put it in action. Start a gratitude journal.

Every evening write down three good things that happened and why they were good,

Mindset Shift 2: Be Proactive

no matter how small. The second shift is to be proactive. Victims complain. Victors act. You don't have to fix everything today, but what's one thing you can take ownership of?

I remember calling my insurance company to challenge them denying my enrollment after my divorce. I was scared and frustrated, but I did it. I knew it would be a battle, and it was. I didn't take no for an answer and it changed everything. But it started with making that first phone call. So let's put it in action.

Ask yourself, what's one thing I can do today to move forward even a little step.

Mindset Shift 3: Seek Win-Win Solutions

The third shift is to seek win-win solutions. Victims want to win at all costs. It's a zero sum game. Victors look for shared success, whether it's a family conflict or a work disagreement, try asking, "How can we solve this together?"

The message in Stephen Covey's book, The 3rd Alternative, moves beyond "your way" or "my way." The third alternative allows both parties to emerge in a far better place than either had envisioned. Nobody has to give up anything and everyone wins. So let's put this into action. Next time you're in conflict, pause and ask, what's the solution that honors both sides?

Mindset Shift 4: Celebrate Others' Successes

The fourth mindset shift is Celebrate Other Successes. Comparison kills joy. But cheering others on, multiplies it. When my friend launched her business, I felt a twinge of envy at first. But instead of staying stuck there, I picked up the phone and I told her, "I am so proud of you! How can I support you?"

That one action opened up a deeper friendship, and an opportunity down the road. So let's put this in action. Celebrate someone this week, a text, a comment, a card. Let it be genuine and healing.

Mindset Shift 5: Accept Life's Unfairness

The fifth shift is to accept life's unfairness. Here's a hard truth.

Life isn't fair, but that doesn't mean it can't still be good. I didn't deserve a heart transplant or to lose my son, but I also didn't deserve the grace that found me later. Acceptance doesn't mean approval, it means release. So how do you put this into action? Make a list of what's out of your control. Then draw a line through it, let it go just for today, 

Mindset Shift 6: Embrace Positivity

The sixth shift is to embrace a positive attitude. This isn't about being fake, it's about refusing to let negativity run the show. After my divorce, I taped notes all around my home, "Hunt, the good stuff." Some days it was very hard, but seeing it helped me to stay open to the possibility of finding good stuff. So let's put this into action. What's one positive affirmation you can post around your home or on your car's dashboard?

Mindset Shift 7: Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

The seventh shift is to step out of your comfort zone. Growth doesn't happen where it's safe. It happens where it's stretchy. Stretchy means just outside your comfort zone. Trust me, starting a new career at age 60 was scary. Writing my book--terrifying. Starting this podcast--even scarier. But staying silent felt worse.

As an introvert, I knew I had to step out of my comfort zone in order to help others. I didn't want people to have to figure things out on their own like I did. So how do we put this into action? Well, what's one thing you've been afraid to try? Take one tiny step toward it this week.

Heart-to-Heart: You Are Not Weak

Let's pause and speak heart to heart. You are not weak. You are not broken. You've just been surviving for so long, you forgot what it feels like to hope again. But I promise you this, your power isn't gone. It's still there waiting quietly. You just need to reach for it again. You're not too old. You're not too far gone, and you're not too late.

This is your second chapter and it's not over. You can do this!

Review of the Seven Mindset Shifts

So let's review the seven mindset shifts to move from victim to victor.

1. Practice gratitude.
2. Be proactive.
3. Seek win-win solutions.
4. Celebrate others.
5. Accept life's unfairness.
6. Embrace positivity. 
7. Step outside your comfort zone. 

You don't need to do them all at once. Just start with one, and do it for a week or two. Then, add in one more and do those two for a week or two. No rush. Take your time and embrace these new habits you're creating. You can do this!

‌Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral

Remember to download my free guide, "Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day." The link is right in the show notes, or you can go to icope2hope.com/reframe. 

Wrap Up

If today's episode helped you, would you share it with someone who needs a dose of hope?

Maybe a friend stuck in grief or a coworker burned out and tired. We rise together. Before we go, I wanna leave you with this affirmation. 

You don't have to have all the answers. You don't have to feel strong every minute. But you CAN take one step. You CAN shift your mindset. You CAN shape your life. And you CAN choose to become the victor of your story.

Say it with me. "I CAN do this!" Let's say it together one more time,  "I CAN do this!" 

All right. That's it for today's episode. Please take a second to subscribe and leave a review so others can find us. Better yet forward this episode to three people in need of hope and remember, adversity can make you bitter or better.

Choose better. You've got this!