S1:E4 The Secret Power Behind Setting Expectations

S1:E4 The Power of Expectations: Tools for Turning Setbacks into Stepping Stones

In this episode of the Flourishing After Adversity podcast, host Laura Mangum Broome explores the significant role expectations play in our emotional well-being. She discusses how setting, managing, and adjusting expectations can bring clarity, improve relationships, and enhance performance. 

Laura introduces a three-step process for defining, communicating, and reality-checking expectations. She also shares practical strategies for staying flexible when life doesn’t go as planned and highlights the importance of voicing unspoken expectations to avoid resentment. 

The episode includes a real-life example of how adjusting expectations restored meaningful connections for a client and offers a free guide to help listeners cope with negative thoughts.

00:00 Introduction to Flourishing After Adversity
00:23 Today's Topic: Setting and Managing Expectations
01:07 The Importance of Expectations
02:57 Three-Step Process to Set Expectations
04:43 Adapting When Expectations Change
05:48 Real-Life Example: Susan's Story
06:39 The Damage of Unspoken Expectations
07:42 Recap and Final Thoughts

Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day https://www.icope2hope.com/reframe

Website: iCope2Hope: From Hardship to Hope https://www.icope2hope.com

Free Paperback: Flourishing After Adversity (Pay only $4.99 shipping; U.S. Orders Only) https://www.icope2hope.com/freebook 

Transcript

Introduction to Flourishing After Adversity

Welcome to the Flourishing After Adversity podcast. I’m your host, Laura Mangum Broome.

If life is throwing you curveballs—grief, illness, loss, or unexpected change—you’re in the right place. This is where we turn setbacks into stepping stones. Healing, growth, and joy are just the beginning.

Today's Topic: Setting and Managing Expectations

In today’s episode, we’re diving into a powerful but often overlooked tool that can help you feel more grounded, more hopeful, and more in control when life feels uncertain: setting and managing expectations.

But before we get started, I want to offer you something that’s helped me—and many of my clients—when negative thoughts feel overwhelming. It’s my free guide called “Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day.”

These are simple tools that have brought me back to center, time and time again. You can grab it using the link in the show notes or head to iCope2Hope.com/reframe.

The Importance of Expectations

Let’s talk about why expectations matter more than we think.

Let me ask you a question:
How many times have you found yourself thinking, “This is not what I expected”?

It could have been a vacation that didn’t go as planned.
Or a relationship that drifted.
Or a new routine you hoped would help you feel better—but it didn’t stick.

We’ve all been there.

Here’s the fact: expectations shape our emotional landscape.
They act like an invisible script in the background, guiding how you interpret, react, and respond to life.

When your expectations match reality, you feel steady.
When they don’t, you feel let down, confused, or even betrayed.

So—why are expectations so important? Let’s break it down.

• Expectations help you mentally prepare.
  When you anticipate something—good or bad—you’re less likely to be blindsided. It gives your brain a sense of readiness, which calms your nervous system.
• Expectations build trust.
  Whether you’re in a relationship, a work project, or planning a holiday dinner—when everyone knows what to expect, it lowers the chance of misunderstanding.
• Expectations shape our outcomes.
  Ever heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy? That’s when what you expect influences what you do—and what you do influences what happens.
  Henry Ford said it best:
  “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t—you’re right.”
• Expectations increase performance.
  When people know what’s expected, they rise to meet it. That applies to you too. Your personal goals become more achievable when you’re clear about what they are.

Three-Step Process to Set Expectations

Setting expectations isn’t about control—it’s about clarity.

So here’s a simple three-step process:

Step 1: Define It

Don’t just think, “I hope this works out.”
Get specific. Instead of: “I want to eat healthier,”
Say: “I’m going to prep three home-cooked meals this week.”

Or, instead of: “I need more balance,”
Say: “I’ll finish work by 6:00 PM at least three nights this week.”

Specifics matter.  They move you from wishful thinking to intentional action.

Step 2: Communicate It

This is where many people trip up.
We assume others should just know what we want. But people aren’t mind readers.

Say it out loud.
Write it down.
Have the honest conversation.

Whether it’s with your partner, your boss—or even with yourself—speak it clearly and kindly.

And remember: communication is a two-way street.
Be open to their expectations, too.

Step 3: Check for Realism

This is a big one. Expectations should stretch you—not strangle you.

If you expect to lose 30 pounds in a month…
Or completely reorganize your life in a weekend…
You’re setting yourself up for frustration.

Try this instead:

• “I want to lose 1–1.5 pounds a week over the next 30 weeks.”
• “I’m going to declutter one room each weekend instead of the whole house at once.”

You’re not lowering the bar—you’re building a ladder.

Adapting When Expectations Change

So what do you do when expectations change?

Let’s get real—life doesn’t always go as planned. And that’s okay.
 The goal isn’t perfection—it’s adaptability.

So what do you do when your original plan goes sideways?

A. Stay Flexible

Think of your expectations like a palm tree in a storm:
Bend—don’t break.

Rigidity lead to stress. Flexibility leads to resilience.

B. Communicate the Shift

If you have to change your plans or adjust your expectations—tell the people involved.

Don’t assume they know.

A simple, “Hey, this isn’t working out the way I thought. Can we regroup?”
…goes a long way.

C. Find the Lesson

Every unmet expectation holds a clue.

Ask yourself:

• What is this teaching me?
• Was I unrealistic?
• Did I forget to communicate something important?

When you reflect with curiosity instead of criticism, you grow stronger.

Real-Life Example: Susan's Story

Let me introduce you to Susan—a former client who, like many of us, struggled with unspoken expectations.

She expected her adult children to visit every weekend—just like they used to, like when they were younger.
But over time, their lives filled with work, kids and responsibilities.

Susan felt hurt. Unseen. Rejected.

When we unpacked it together, she realized what she really missed was feeling needed and connected.

Once she understood that, she reached out to her kids and asked if they’d be open to a monthly dinner instead. They said yes—with enthusiasm.

The result? Less disappointment. More meaningful connection.

She didn’t lower her expectations. She adjusted them—with grace.

The Damage of Unspoken Expectations

Here’s something we don’t talk about enough:
the damage of unspoken expectations.

We expect people to:

• Know we’re upset.
• Understand our needs—without us saying them.
• Act the way we would act in the same situation.

And when they don’t—we feel hurt.
But we stay silent.

Unspoken expectations become buried resentments.

So here’s your nudge. Ask yourself:

• What expectations have you been carrying silently?
• What would it feel like to speak them—gently and clearly?

You can’t change what you won’t name.

Put It in Action

Take a few minutes today to journal on this:

• What’s one expectation you need to clarify—with yourself or someone else?
• What’s one expectation that needs to be adjusted for your current season of life?
• What expectation have you been holding that no one else even knows about?

Recap and Final Thoughts

Today, we explored:

• Why expectations are your brain’s internal GPS.
• A three-step process to define, communicate, and reality-check your expectations.
• How to stay flexible when life takes a turn.
• A real-life example of how adjusting expectations can restore connection.
• The importance of voicing what you need—before disappointment takes root.

One Last Resource Before You Go

If you’re facing a difficult season and struggling to stay positive, don’t forget to download my free resource: “Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day.”
 It’s in the show notes, or you can go to iCope2Hope.com/reframe.

One Final Thought

Before we wrap up, I want to leave you with this:

“Today, I let go of what I can’t control—and focus on what I can.”

You have the power to shift how you show up in your life—
 One expectation,
 One conversation,
 One step at a time.

Share the Hope

If this episode spoke to you, please take a moment to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with three people who could use a little hope today.

And remember…

Adversity can make you bitter or better. Choose better. You’ve got this!